I Had to Lose a House to Learn a Lesson About Writing

On Thursday night, I stuffed the rellenas until 9pm.

9, 10, 11. Done.

2 for me, Ray, and Ariel each. One for our agent, Angel, and one for the homeowner, Luis.

Now we’re ready for the trip out West tomorrow.

I’ve been excited all week to visit the land again. Luis is going to show us the parts we couldn’t get to last time because we didn’t have boots. And everything he’s done to it. We’ve only seen it once before making an offer. At first glance, it didn’t seem any special.

It lies on the side of a mountain. 3-acre of land total but it is quite steep with lots of hills. The flattest part is the house and an empty lot extending 10 feet back. Everything else is rugged and craggy.

There are 1500 coffee trees, 200 banana trees, and avocados, oranges, and grapefruits. Luis has been getting our vision started for us over the last year.

Still, the house is really small. And to build everything on this rocky, steep land requires a lot of work.

Right before we left, it started raining. Pouring. In that moment the mountains cast a spell on me. It was raining so hard the mountains turned white and blurry. The sound of rain beating against giant leaves was so loud I couldn’t hear my own thoughts.

I felt a strange sense of calm. I wanted to grab a cup of tea and stay in that blissful trench forever.

At 9.30 PM, I received a text from Angel saying Luis apologized but he had received a cash offer. And he’s going to take it.

Huh.

What is the lesson I am supposed to learn here, to have my dream ripped away before I even had the chance to embrace it? Why now?

Bashar says you have to find the positive in everything. Because with the wrong attitude, you will miss out on the opportunities that are there for you.

But it felt too hard. I was too tired.

I went to bed letting my emotions weigh as heavily on me as they needed to.

If I was being really honest with myself, I know the real reason I was drawn to this place was the price. It is less than half of our budget. It meant it would be an easy monthly payment. We could leave it there and travel anywhere we wanted. I could go monk mode and write all day in the mountains without worrying about money ever again.

I still run every week, but the same route and mileage I’ve done before. The inertia of overcoming the steep hill that is the very first mile is gone. Since then, I’ve been running on flatter and flatter ground.

Perhaps the universe knows that’s what I’m doing. And she’s pulling me out of it before I make another decision because of money again.

Old habits die hard.

Perhaps this is a reminder that I’ve been running away into the mountains with something very important in my life: writing.

Why else do I keep seeking to write what I’m “supposed to” rather than writing what I want to? Because it’s easier to write what pleases people than to write what pleases me.

Fuck.

I guess I had to lose a house to learn a lesson about writing.

Content of the week:

[poem] Today I woke up with sand on my feet

[poem] You used to ring the bell for me 

[poem] Seed of wonder 

I am trapped in this dinky apartment

Looks like I’m on a poetry kick. Kinda cool cause I can get really into my feelings without needing too many words. Might try it for a while.

I gave Substack a try and have to say I’m loving it. It’s a nice medium between Medium and X.

Imagine X where everyone is writing, many are passionate about it, and no one is eating raw beef liver.

I’ll do an article comparing Medium, Substack, and X for writers soon. Stay tuned if you’re interested.

Photo of the week:

Quote of the week:

I’m off to see more houses.

Que pases un buen finde, mi amor.

—A