Late to class, late for work, even late to dates.

My life was a series of rushed mornings and frustrated shouts at unmoving traffic. My friends had to tell me plans were an hour earlier than they actually were, just to get me there on time.

I got sick of it.

It wasn’t just about being late.

It was about the all-nighters for assignments I had weeks to do, the failed attempts to maintain a gym routine, and walking into class having to borrow pen and paper because I’d rushed out the house and forgot my backpack, again.

I wasn’t just late.

I was forgetful, mindless, a mess.

I tried so many things to change myself

• notes all over the wall

• books, Ted talks, workshops

• changing my home screen to inspiration reminders

I would get a few extremely productive days or weeks.

But there was always this invisible force, like a boogeyman, waiting to see me fail.

And I satisfied him every time.

I had no idea at the time, but this became a 7-year-long battle and the most important fight of my life.

Failed Attempts

Fast forward 5 years later, I’d quit my job and had all the time in the world to do everything I needed to do.

I woke up early, went to the gym, cooked, meditated and signed myself up for jiu-jitsu.

As always, it was exhilarating but short-lived.

I fell off the bandwagon time and time again.

What excuse did I have left for my sorry self?

I had no job, kids or responsibilities.

I had nothing but time and I still couldn’t become the person I wanted to be.

I really couldn’t figure out why.

I felt like a loser full of ideologies and an inflated sense of self.

But then everything changed.

Rock Bottom

A lot of people think of rock bottom like this:

You hit a point of no return. The fear you’ve tried to silence your whole life surfaced like a zit:

“I told you so” plays on repeat like a broken record even though no one is really saying it.

They didn’t need to. You know they’re right

When you try to look ahead, there is nothing but darkness.

But here’s what most don’t know:

In darkness your eyes adjust. You see something you couldn’t before

Like a far-away star that can only be seen in the darkest hour

You reach a point of pure clarity:

You are the captain of your ship, the writer of your story, the hero of your heroic escape.

And when it’s all you see, you believe it.

The Road To Discipline

My star gave me a challenge:

To prove that I am capable of changing my situation, I have to wake up at a set time every day for a month.

Even when I didn’t sleep well, I got up at 6

Even when I went dancing until 5AM, I got up at 6

Even when I was sick and couldn’t move, I got up at 6

And every morning, the mere fact that I got up no matter what built unbelievable momentum.

I made better decisions. I worked with discipline.

The excuses in the back of my head got weaker as my conviction grew stronger.

I was living a new life. I was becoming a person I couldn’t recognize.

And I fucking loved her

After a month I let myself sleep in.

I remember waking up at 8AM and felt extremely underwhelmed. Like leaving a new restaurant whose opening has been hyped up for months only to find their food being wildly average.

It was cool but I’m good. I don’t want to do that again

And I never did.

My life changed completely in 6 months.

Now I get most of my tasks done before 9AM.

I found a job that allows me to work 2 days a week while pursuing my passion.

Picking up new habits are easy to me and I don’t have a problem following through with anything I want to do.

(I’m still late sometimes but only when I’m going to events I don’t want to be early for 🙃)

Lesson Learned

I’m finally able to pin point why I failed so many times in the last 7 years.

What ruined all my habits was the promise I didn’t keep with myself.

Imagine living with someone who says they would do the dishes before bed, and you wake up every morning to a sink filled with soggy leftovers and dirty dishes.

It’s hard to build a relationship and rely on someone this way.

This is what young Ava didn’t see:

I was picking up “right habits” for the wrong reason.

I wanted to become a successful and respectable person.

I wanted to be like those entrepreneurs who wake up and do 589 tasks a day.

Those are petty, materialistic reasons.

They’re not the kind of reasons that can undo decades of bad habits and propel you beyond your comfort zone.

The real reason you should want to do this is because:

• you value your life so intensely that you want to live it on your own terms

• you’re so passionate about building a life of your own, a life that’s nothing like how anyone else lives, that you want to start showing up and putting in the work.

• you have conviction that you are capable of so much more than moving through the motions, that you want to start building rapport with the person you know you can be.

If you understand this, you will see it has nothing to do with waking up early, picking up someone’s routine or finding the best research on the right time to get up.

It’s so much more.

And it’s up to you to find it.

Homework

• Start Your Day on Your Terms: Wake up a little earlier than you need to, even if it’s just 15 minutes. This small act will set unbelievable momentum for the rest of your day.

• Track Your Progress: Stay consistent by visually tracking your progress. On days when it’s really hard to get out of bed, I think about the colored streaks I have on my calendar. Not losing my streak is the extra push I need to keep going.

• Put Some Skin In The Game: Make this a real challenge. Wage a bet on yourself or with someone else to keep you accountable.
  (I told myself that if I couldn’t stick to a month of this, I need to admit that I will never become self-sustained and go back to dentistry)

• Be Lenient: Don’t force yourself into an unrealistic routine. The point isn’t to build productive habits. It’s to stick to a plan and keep showing up.
  If you enjoy going out on the weekend, set a plan to wake up later and stick to it.
  If you’re really tired, get out of bed anyways and give yourself permission to take a long nap.
  Give yourself room to fail — it’s what I call planned failing. It allows you to be in control of your ‘failures’ and not letting them snowball into more.

If you can prove to yourself that you will start showing up for you and your dreams, nothing else can stop you.

That’s how you build momentum.

That’s how you see yourself in a new light.

That’s how you build a life you deserve

If you are going to try this, let me know so I can root for you ❤️

I would love if you could go here and give my article 50 claps. It took me 3 hours to write this but your 30 seconds of support will mean the world to me.

Otherwise, see you next week.

Ciao