Drugged Up & Out Of Commission

Hi,

Today I only have a short letter for you. I am currently drugged up on a strong dose of codeine and my arms feel goofy. It’s like I am trying to type with spaghetti.

I have been going through some personal things these past weeks. It’s taken up most of my energy and will to do anything at all. I stopped writing in my book everyday. I stopped making content. I cancelled most of my meetings.

I’ve been surviving with the bare minimum.

So when it comes time to almost skip out on this week’s newsletter, I realized this is the only commitment I have left that I haven’t broken.

In some ways, it feels assuring.

I haven’t committed to a single thing my whole life.

Other than the 10 years I spent pursuing dentistry, which I did so because I thought my life would literally be ruined if I didn’t, I can’t say I’ve made any commitment to anything else.

I don’t want to get married. I don’t have kids. My cats don’t even have names because I couldn’t commit to giving them any.

So this newsletter feels like a small victory against three decade-long of seriously deep-rooted issues.

Anyways, I think that’s kinda how you know when you’ve found your thing, right?

And I think all of us know what our thing is. If not, we for sure know how to find it.

We know where to look and what to experiment with.

And there is a voice inside us that will tell us, not in words but with feelings, when we are getting colder or warmer.

The problem is we let the giant block of “how to” gets in the way of getting anywhere significant.

• how to do it full time?

• how to make money with it?

• how to turn it into real work?

That’s the logical brain. It might be smart in helping us survive and fit into this weird world, but it’s also a buzzkill.

It’s always telling us to be sensible and shit.

It turns us into people who talk about golf, stock markets and life insurance.

Trust me. Those people don’t know how to live. They only know how to survive and make small talks.

So to avoid living a life that feels nothing like your own, you’ve gotta stop letting the adult do all the talking.

Because when you let the adult choose, they will just drive straight to the thing you’re ‘supposed’ to do.

Instead, let your inner child choose.

• Where do you want to live?

• What do you want to do?

• Who do you want to be?

Once the voice has spoken, the adult will help you figure out how exactly to get there. That’s their job.

So go find the thing that you would do even when you’re drugged up and out of commission.

Worry about nothing else until then ♥︎