1 Thing That Changed My Life in 2023

1 Thing That Changed My Life in 2023

Today I want to do something different. Instead of ranting about how much this year changed my life, how tough I had it, blah blah blah⎯ I want to just show you.

It wasn’t until I started reading my old journal entries from this year that I remembered how lost I was.

It has been a loooong ride.

This was shortly after I lost my job as a community manager. I was back on the island. I hated my life and even my partner. 

I was consumed by anger, self-disgust and despair.

At this point in my life, it felt that nothing mattered until I made some money. And so every day, I woke up with the agony that I haven’t made any money.

A day before this day, my boyfriend and I drove to a beach on the East side of the island. 

It was Christmas day. 

We parked in an empty lot but were stopped by a man who said we weren’t allowed to park there. When my boyfriend drove away, I was furious. I wanted to come back and reason with the man. I wanted to park the car there regardless and see what he would do. So I asked him to give me the car keys.

He refused.

Out of nowhere, an enormous wave of anger took over me. I started charging at him, trying to force the keys out of his hands. On the side of the street, I screamed, I pushed, I yanked. 

I’d lost myself.

We ended up not heading home. I remember sitting there feeling so small, ashamed and disgusted with myself.

That was rock bottom and the start of everything amazing.

After that incident, I spent 2 nights sleeping in the car. I was miserable but it was exactly what I needed. I had a lot time to reflect. 

I realized I’d never loved myself.

How could I when I made it explicitly clear I wasn’t deserving of love until I achieved an arbitrary amount of material success?

I realized how much I’ve let the person I wanted to become slip away.

Mourning the loss of self was exactly what I needed to find her again.

What followed was months of looking and trying to make her proud.

It wasn’t easy. 

I don’t want you to think it happened like a snap of the finger.

There were times I lost sight of her again. There were times I fell back into my abusive habits and let her down. There were times I ignored her needs in the pursuit of money.

But just like the market, every pull-back was a healthy correction for the next up move.

And upon todays’ reflection, I realized something:

Every good thing that has come my way this year came from a decision made out of self-love.

Out of respect for her well-being, I forced myself to meditate, to go outside, to play. Activities seemingly unrelated to my goal of making money turned out to be exactly what I needed to keep a leveled mind.

In a bid to make her stronger, I picked up running. It turned out to be exactly what I needed to learn to push my boundaries and never give up.

To give back control of her time, I dropped my dream client. It was exactly what I needed to find the conviction to pursue my passion.

From these decisions, a path opens up. Not a path to more money, no.

Something better.

It’s a portal into another reality where everything is the same, yet the way I see and feel about them is different.

I still live in the same ‘shit ass’ apartment but somehow I appreciate every corner of it. I clean it with love and care rather than disgust of the stained tiles.

I wake up in the same bed but I feel more refreshed than ever.

I become perfectly content with where I am now. Yet I know without a doubt this isn’t where I’m going to stay. 

It makes the work I do every day meaningful.

It makes every person I interact with enthralled by my self-respect and confidence. So they reciprocate the same level of respect and confidence in me.

I no longer need instant results as validation. I have full conviction that materialistic metrics are lagging indicators that will eventually catch on.

Achieving this state of mind is the most successful thing I’ve accomplished this year.

I know to a lot of people, it sounds like my head is in the cloud.

“Probably because her problems are not as bad as mine”.

“Probably because she doesn’t have as many responsibilities as I do”.

Probably, probably.

Or probably this is the mindset that is trapping you from reaching the same state of mind. 

I hate to be the one to do it (actually no I don’t) but I have to tell you: you’re not special.

We all suffer from problems. It doesn’t matter what circumstances we’re in, our suffering is only relative to our own threshold and no one else’s.

It means if you’re used to eating very spicy food your whole life, it would take a ghost pepper to cause you to suffer from the spice. But for John, he has never eaten spicy foods, so eating Hot Cheetos brings him the same suffering.

So you see, it serves you no good to maintain that state of mind. Telling yourself “if I just fix this one other thing, I will have time to take care of myself” is only procrastination from doing the work.

It doesn’t matter where you are, beginning the work of loving yourself is how you escape circumstantial suffering.

It’s how you become hopeful and optimistic about life, regardless of your challenges. 

You weren’t born into this world to solve problems. You were born into this world to become the happiest, most fulfilled version of you so you can uplift those around you.

So let’s make 2024 the year you finally stop procrastinating, find yourself, take care of yourself and conquer the world 🌎

Thank you for reading. Let’s clap for a kick-ass year here 👏👏👏

Ciao ❤️